The Daily Palate

My life in food.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

"What You Got?!" Xtreme

I am a closet recluse. When I've had to be especially social, whether for work or fun, I tend to come home as quickly as I can and stay put. I try not to speak to anyone, or failing that - severely limit the number of people I talk to. I read, do chores, sing little songs, and generally spend time alone with my thoughts. It's a strong compulsion. I'm not sad or depressed, I just want to be alone; Road Warrier Syndrome writ large if you will. It's a little OCD, I'll admit.

The problem is, when you've been out of pocket for a while, there's no food in the house. Unfortunately, it's not possible to stop by the grocery store on the way home. Even when you're just a little OCD, there are RULES. For me - when the time comes to go home, that time is NOW. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. There are no grocery store errands along the way; no detour can be made from the urgent matter at hand. It's like a homing device goes off in my head and I'm a pigeon set free from its cage. The only route is the direct route.

Once home, leaving . . . well - that just doesn't seem like a very good idea now does it. I just got here. Why would I leave? Pick up the mail? It can wait. Out of milk? How inconvenient. I like cereal.

While I've had a spectacular summer filled with parties, exotic business trips, weddings, baby showers and the like - you can see that the aftermath of each one of these social soiree's required at least a bit of self-imposed exile. Inevitably, the food situation would get out of hand. I regularly ran out of almost everything. Deliveries, for those of you pondering that option, are out of the question. First, you have to call and talk to one of THE OTHERS about what you want. Make me. And after that - ONE THEM COMES TO YOUR HOUSE. Unacceptable. No. Not an option.

But never fear lads and lasses! Now is not the time for panic! As Hunter advised us, "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." What Would Hunter Do? I know the answer to that question. Put the FUN back in dysfunctional! That right! It's time to play - "What You Got?!".

How 'bout those Reckless Kelly boys?! How much fun are they? That Jay Nazz is one creative guy. The next Celebrity Chef in the making, no doubt! But I've taken Jay's little game show to the next level. The Xtreme version of the game is a marathon event. The objective is to stay home for as long as possible without being driven out by hunger or boredom. My undiagnosed mental disorder is an advantage here because it will take several days for boredom to set in. Unwavering routine is a comfort in this state. That, along with my never-ending love for butter, cheese, rice, and macaroni are what make me one of the only "What You Got?" Xtreme Elites. If these supplies remain, I will stay contentedly in my home until I can contemplate OTHER interactions without so much as an eye squinch.

Here is my very favorite mac n' cheese recipe -

Large elbow macaroni
Extra Sharp Cheddar Cheese
Cracked Pepper

Prepare the elbow macaroni (only use large, small won't work), strain quickly, and pour into a cereal bowl. Drop in 1 tablespoon of butter and cut small pieces of cheddar cheese with a paring knife right into the bowl. Stop every few seconds and stir into the macaroni. After there is a sufficient amount and dispersement of cheese, microwave for 30 seconds. Crack fresh pepper to taste. Turn on network TV (Law & Order preferably - my daughter calls this the "sex-obsessed-Republican- show"), lie on the counch, and eat every bite. Yummm.

This summer one of my Road Warrier colleagues told me that he had scrambled eggs and watermelon for dinner. How inventive. Sometimes you just have to make do. And when that time comes, you have to ask yourself "WHAT - YOU - GOT?!"


Blogger elhaf said...

I'm a closet claustrophobe. That is all.

11:44 AM  

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