The Daily Palate

Happy Birthday to Me!

2006-11-11T08:26:00.000-06:00

I walk in the side door to find one of my oldest friends wearing the "Chef Bitch" tocque I bought for him last year. He's standing over a plate of the most beautiful hor doerves you ever saw with cocktail shaker in hand. "I know you're parched from your drive up the mountain" he says as he starts to pour the "Mojo's" (the Mountain Man version of the Mojito). His lovely wife, and one of my closest friends, exclaims "Is it time for a cocktail? Can I have a heh-ehl yesss?!!" I respond enthusiastically - "Heh-ehl Yesss!!!" And with that, let the festivities begin.

It's my birthday season and I'm in the mountains, looking out the window, watching the sun rise over Pikes Peak. Why do I ever leave here? Why haven't I bought a house around the corner and moved down the street? There must be something seriously wrong with me.

Last night was the opening salvo in my birthday season and looking back over my notes from last night I see "Oh no! I've got Mojo up my nose". Let's just say we had a good time. And I learned new frenchy words - like "mir pwah". It's the stuff you make lobster bisque with. And those frenchy's - they're so smart, they thicken the bisque with the starch from rice and strain all the "mir pwah" stuff and rice out at the last minute. Then there's all this other stuff that includes sauteeing the tail and claws and fish stock and flambe (with cognac).

Let's go back to the hor doerves. Did I mention how beautiful they were?! OMG. We're talkin' smoked salmon with creme fraiche, and caviar, with just a sprinkling of fresh tarragon on crackers. Elegant, delicious, and ever so birthday-like. These tasty morsels were complimented by garlic and rosemary boule (cute little bread rounds, undoubtedly frenchy too) served with this amazingly rich and slightly sweet honey and walnut compound butter formed in the shape of a heart (an added touch for our lovely hostess from her handsome cheffy husband).

Next we have salad w/cranberries. I dress my salad with blue cheese vinagrette. Mmmmm, mmmmm good.

Back to the lobster bisque. That mir pwah stuff is actually spelled "mir poix". You make it with 2 parts onion to 1 part celery and 1 part onion. Put the veggies in a large skillet with a "bouquet garni" which is bay leaf, parsley, and thyme tied together with a string and 3 or 4 tablespoons of high quality unsalted butter (you can never have too much butter). Next you "etuv'e" or "sweat" the vegetables cooking them over a low fire to retain their sugars. Then add the lobster shells head and all (cut in two)to flavor the stock. Crush the shells in the pan to get all the lobster flavor you can. Then you add short grain rice (more gluten) to thicken the stock. Finally you strain all that out,add the heavy cream, drop in the lobster chunks (after flambe - pretty!)and dine like royalty.

The entree was Osso Bucco, veal shanks in this spicy, delicious kalamata olive flavored stew with maple flavored polenta. Jesus. I love my birthday. Dessert was a chocolate walnut tart with semisweet and bittersweet chocolate and caramel; a dessert made especially to my taste.

I'll add recipes for the entire dinner later. But now I must run - bagels with smoked salmon, capers and caviar await!

Gimme

2006-10-19T15:43:00.000-05:00

Gimme Somethin’ Good
Like a smile in the morning
A pat on the back
A roll in the hay
A package of rick rack.

Gimme Somethin’ Sweet
Like a kiss on the forehead
A bowl of ice cream
Popsicles and Jell-O
No Lean Cuisine.

Gimme Somethin’ Old
Like my grandmother’s love
Memories and photographs
A claw-footed tub
And all my lost friendships from the deep, deep past.

Gimme Somethin’ Dark
Like sapphires and onyx
Chocolate dipped figs
Medicine Man tonic
And sticky-sweet black Sambuca swigs.

Gimme Somethin’ Mean
Like angry young men
Fists in the air
Fighting, fighting, fighting,
It doesn’t matter where.

And I will take all these things and sing them a song
I will cry real tears
And laugh till dawn
But ultimately I don’t care and it doesn’t even matter
I’m an existentialist
And this is only banter.

"What You Got?!" Xtreme

2006-08-16T19:25:00.000-05:00

I am a closet recluse. When I've had to be especially social, whether for work or fun, I tend to come home as quickly as I can and stay put. I try not to speak to anyone, or failing that - severely limit the number of people I talk to. I read, do chores, sing little songs, and generally spend time alone with my thoughts. It's a strong compulsion. I'm not sad or depressed, I just want to be alone; Road Warrier Syndrome writ large if you will. It's a little OCD, I'll admit.

The problem is, when you've been out of pocket for a while, there's no food in the house. Unfortunately, it's not possible to stop by the grocery store on the way home. Even when you're just a little OCD, there are RULES. For me - when the time comes to go home, that time is NOW. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. There are no grocery store errands along the way; no detour can be made from the urgent matter at hand. It's like a homing device goes off in my head and I'm a pigeon set free from its cage. The only route is the direct route.

Once home, leaving . . . well - that just doesn't seem like a very good idea now does it. I just got here. Why would I leave? Pick up the mail? It can wait. Out of milk? How inconvenient. I like cereal.

While I've had a spectacular summer filled with parties, exotic business trips, weddings, baby showers and the like - you can see that the aftermath of each one of these social soiree's required at least a bit of self-imposed exile. Inevitably, the food situation would get out of hand. I regularly ran out of almost everything. Deliveries, for those of you pondering that option, are out of the question. First, you have to call and talk to one of THE OTHERS about what you want. Make me. And after that - ONE THEM COMES TO YOUR HOUSE. Unacceptable. No. Not an option.

But never fear lads and lasses! Now is not the time for panic! As Hunter advised us, "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." What Would Hunter Do? I know the answer to that question. Put the FUN back in dysfunctional! That right! It's time to play - "What You Got?!".

http://www.recklesskelly.com/whatyougot.htm

How 'bout those Reckless Kelly boys?! How much fun are they? That Jay Nazz is one creative guy. The next Celebrity Chef in the making, no doubt! But I've taken Jay's little game show to the next level. The Xtreme version of the game is a marathon event. The objective is to stay home for as long as possible without being driven out by hunger or boredom. My undiagnosed mental disorder is an advantage here because it will take several days for boredom to set in. Unwavering routine is a comfort in this state. That, along with my never-ending love for butter, cheese, rice, and macaroni are what make me one of the only "What You Got?" Xtreme Elites. If these supplies remain, I will stay contentedly in my home until I can contemplate OTHER interactions without so much as an eye squinch.

Here is my very favorite mac n' cheese recipe -

Large elbow macaroni
Extra Sharp Cheddar Cheese
Butter
Cracked Pepper

Prepare the elbow macaroni (only use large, small won't work), strain quickly, and pour into a cereal bowl. Drop in 1 tablespoon of butter and cut small pieces of cheddar cheese with a paring knife right into the bowl. Stop every few seconds and stir into the macaroni. After there is a sufficient amount and dispersement of cheese, microwave for 30 seconds. Crack fresh pepper to taste. Turn on network TV (Law & Order preferably - my daughter calls this the "sex-obsessed-Republican- show"), lie on the counch, and eat every bite. Yummm.

This summer one of my Road Warrier colleagues told me that he had scrambled eggs and watermelon for dinner. How inventive. Sometimes you just have to make do. And when that time comes, you have to ask yourself "WHAT - YOU - GOT?!"

Birthday Season: Living The Dinner Party Lifestyle

2006-08-14T21:36:00.000-05:00

I'm a lucky girl. My friends are gracious hosts and fabulous cooks. And if they aren't, they know people who are and I get to hang out with them. I love you guys!!!! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! (These are air kisses of course.)

Last week I went to four, count them four, dinner parties. At three I was lucky enough to be an invited guest. The fourth I crashed. But I loved the people. They were absolutely divine. And I knew them and they knew me so don't be so snooty about it.

These parties were all about Birthday Season. In my social set Birth Day is not quite enough. In fact, it's not nearly enough. There must be dinners and parties and presents and acknowledgements and festivities that go on and on and on. My lovely friend Wendy is still celebrating Birthday Season well over a month after the actual day. Isn't it obvious that this is the fabulous life one should aspire to lead?

The first dinner party was for a friend's boyfriend. He is an absolute delight. When I met him for the very first time he drove us to a party, took us to cocktails in advance, and paid my admission to the party boat. Let's just say he made a good impression. Another day he took my friend and I to dinner and selected an absolutely rich Zinfandel - on Fourth of July. It's exactly what I wanted, but living in Austin, Texas where it is just a bit hot in July, it's not every guy who could have figured that out. I adore him. So we had a very informal little fete on his behalf two weeks before the day. There's nothing like a quiet little kick-off to Birthday Season. Kisses to you Tyler!

The second party was for my fabulous friend LP Lee. It was a barbeque. Our marvelous sister in Lee-dom, Catba-Lee, brought a brisket barbequed by her pitboss Daddy (who is not a Lee). Our jobs were to bring the sides. Cherry Lee had a busy week and brought extraordinarily delicious chips and dips. Mr. Clem drove his lovely wife, Victoria Lee, who delivered our favorite mustard potato salad. Bo-Geek-Lee contributed the most incredible cake ever. A fondant covered vanilla cake condom replica with the words - "Our love could not be contained". Did I mention that LP is a new Daddy? Happy Birthday LP! It was a very big year. His wife Martha Lee, provided the understated, but delicious brownie chocolate cake. Oh! I had a contribution too -

Chorizo Stuffed Grilled Jalapenos (hal-uh-peen-uhs - my pronunciation a topic of endless amusement)

24 Fresh Jalapeno Peppers
1 lb fresh chorizo sausage (there are no substitutes)
8 oz Queso Fresco, white Mexican cheese or Monterey Jack shredded
8 oz cream cheese, softened

Cook chorizo without casing in hot skillet over medium fire until cooked. Drain excess grease and set aside. Combine white Mexican Cheese and softened cream cheese, and also set aside.

Slice the jalapenos in half lengthwise and with a small spoon scoop out seeds and membrane*. Again, using a small spoon, fill one half of each pepper with cheese mixture. Fill the other half of the pepper with the cooked chorizo sausage. Put the two pepper halves back together and wrap the pepper, starting at one end and wrapping around to the opposite end, with one/half of a thin slice of bacon. Secure bacon and the pepper with a toothpick. You can make ahead, cover and refrigerate until time to grill.

Preheat grill to medium hot. Grill peppers, rolling on grate to evenly and thoroughly cook the bacon. Let cool slightly, remove the toothpick and serve.

*WARNING: Wear disposable gloves or your hands will burn for days. Additionally, removing the seeds and membranes will bring the heat of the peppers down significantly. I would consider it mild, but the peppers will still have a kick. Leaving seeds and membranes in half the pepper will give you a dish that will bite back - its hot. If you leave the seeds and membrances in both sides - only the crazy Pepper Bellys will touch it as they consider eating fresh jalapenos a competitive sport.

Next is an exquisitely elegant Friday night affair in honor of the lovely Wendy. The place settings were beautiful. And how often does someone take the time to create a seating chart and hand craft the place cards. Nice. The cheeses and appetizers were divine. We opened with a really wonderful Portuguese wine - Vinho Verde. Folks - if you like the sparkling, this is an excellent dog days of summer selection. Light and crisp with tight little bubbles - positively effervescent.

We had a marvelous shrimp pasta salad with a pasta choice I've never had before - orecchiette (little ears). Loved it! Finished with chocolate pot de creme and fresh whipped cream flavored with amaretto. Yummy!

I crashed the Saturday night party. The opening for Leo birthdays. I believe that Stew and Leo are moving right into Birthday Season. They had eaten shrimp skewers and I helped myself to one. Since I had burst the hook and eye right off my skirt while on my way to a neice's wedding earlier in the day, I decided to skip the homemade ice cream with fresh fruit and chocolate. I can't imagine why my waistline is growing. If you don't burst out laughing here its clear you haven't read my earlier blog entries. I think we all understand why - but I don't have a single regret. I've loved every bite of every single over-the-top crazy dish I've eaten all summer.

Fluffy is good!

Road Rations

2006-08-13T19:56:00.000-05:00

There's nothing more fun than a summer road trip. And one of the things I look forward to most is the food. While many enjoy stopping at roadside eateries, I'm far too impatient a traveler to stop, go inside, sit down, order off a menu, and wait for my food with the minutes tick, tick, ticking by. I like to keep moving. For me, its all about road rations found at the filling station.

I have fond memories of the the long drives with my Dad and Stepmother to visit them on the weekends as a child. There were frequent pit stops where my sisters and I were allowed to choose drinks and snacks for the road. In those days I was very partial to pineapple fried pies and strawberry cream soda. I also loved the beef jerky with Coca-Cola in the 10 oz bottles. Grape Nehi - also yummy. And Orange Crush - oh baby - oh baby - oh baby. And those little pink waffer cookies with the sugary icing in between - still my very favorite cookie ever.

Recently I found myself on a business trip a few hours from home and decided not to take the interstate on the way back. Instead, I took the scenic route through the hill country. I stopped at a promising looking filling station likely to have clean restrooms. Before I set out, it had been my plan to grab a barbeque sandwich at one of those interesting little roadside joints I've never stopped in. I should have known better, there's a reason I never do that. But this time it was going to be different.

That is until I passed a large display of beef jerky on the way to the restroom. I knew it was all over, but tried to talk myself out of it. "I could just have a little snack", I told myself. "I could still stop at one of those barbeque joints. It couldn't hurt to look at the chips." I love the chips.

Usually, when I'm at home and behaving like a sane adult, I stay away from the snack food. At my house, snack food is yogurt, Cliff bars, fruit, and triscuit with cottage cheese. I also love those little grape tomatos which I eat by the handfull - but this is all for another day. What I'm saying is - I've started down a very slippery dietary slope and I know it, but can I stop myself?

Cheetos! I love Cheetos! Now which will it be - "Crunchy" or "Flaming Hot". While I love the Flaming Hot, today I feel nostalgic. Crunchy it is. Next, beef jerky. I choose "Hot" with pepper flakes that can be seen all over the outsides. Mmmmmm. O.K. - its clear I'm buying dinner here. Shouldn't there be a tiny little dessert.

They have fried pies! I choose peach today. I am a grown-up afterall. My tastes are more sophisticated. Didn't I buy the "hot" beef jerky? I never would have done that as child. Also, in an act of supreme adult-like constraint I chose water instead of strawberry cream soda. See how grown-up I am?

My dinner this day -

Beef Jerky - Hot
Cheetos - Crunchy
Fried Pie - Peach
Water - Aquafina

Starving Students: Variations on a Theme

2006-07-24T08:19:00.000-05:00

"Hello Mom? Could you send me $500? Love you!"
"Mommy? I talked to my sister yesterday and she's overdrawn by $500 and I'm down to $40. We're hungry."
"Hello Mom? Please call, I'm starving."
"Mommy, I burned my mouth and its swollen now. What should I do? Where are you?"
"Mom, I'm overdrawn and ate the last ramen 2 days ago. We already used up the money in the piggy bank to buy boxes of macaroni w/powdered cheese. Call me!"
"Mommy, Stephen bought me some rice & beans and Diana took me to dinner."
"Mom, I took 3 buses to sell my $70 college textbook for $5. They almost didn't take it, I thought I was going to cry. Jason bought me a taco for dinner and so now I can eat breakfast at Wendy's in the airport on my way home. Mom - that was the very best taco I ever ate in my whole life."

When I was finally able to check voicemail after being unreachable by cell for several days, there were approximately 14 variations on the starvation theme from my precious daughters. As I listened to their sad little messages beseeching their mother for money and moral support I envisioned my babies off in the big city, far from home, down to the last dollar for the first time in their lives, and laughed and laughed and laughed. Does that make me a bad person?

Ahhhh - the glory days of youth. A time to discover that peanut butter is expensive. A time to learn that wringing out jeans by hand tears off your skin. A time to eat boiled potatos with salt and no butter. A time for poverty, cheap thrills, and bad beer. While it is true that I was amused by their plight, I am not unsympathetic. I remember the shocking surprise of it all. While life on my own did eliminate the weeknight curfew, it also very nearly eliminated dinner as well.

The little darlings were only a few days from being home, so I rang up and laughed at them each in turn. I promised to be at the airport on time and drive them straight to food. We went to the Eastside Cafe where Mia ate the chicken sandwich and Candice had the fish tacos. One hour later, they were ready for dinner. And so it went over the next few days with the girls dining on mahi mahi w/mango salsa, yellow tomato gazpacho, stuffed spinach and mushroom Mangia pizza, hummus, homefries, picnic feasts, breakfast at Magnolia, until their little cheeks once again held a healthy pink glow.

With full bellies, replenished bank accounts, and new underwear - my daughters have returned to the mean streets. Now they are own their own and life is hard. As a salute to starving college students everywhere, I'll share a couple of my old college standby's.

Mystery Meat w/Rice

1 lb ground meat (cheapest you can find)
1 onion chopped (go for it - have a nice fresh 1013 or Vidalia if your budget allows. you can't deny yourself everything)
1 can cream of mushroom soup (you should consider the store brand)
1 cup rice (no Texamati or even long grain - cheap, short, broken store brand)

Brown ground meat and chopped onions in skillet over medium high fire. Drain fat. Add can of cream of mushroom soup and half can of water. Salt & pepper to taste (no fresh cracked pepper either). Simmer.

Wash rice - this entails putting water in pan with the rice, swishing it around a bit, and pouring out the water. Add two cups of water to the pan and bring to a boil. Add salt (1/4 tsp), reduce flame to simmer, and cover pan. Simmer over low fire 30 minutes.

Serve Mystery Meat over cooked rice. For this to be authentic you have to use cheap ground chuck and no fresh mushrooms. Ditto for sour cream or heavy cream in the sauce.

Top Ramen

Find a quarter. Buy the ramen. Prepare as directed. Eat straight from the pan.

Bon Appetit!

Post-Junket Empty Cupboard Blues

2006-07-17T18:28:00.000-05:00

the last instant oatmeal
eaten and gone
leaves stale chips old cheese and wine

Aloha Schmoozin'

2006-07-08T11:16:00.000-05:00

Wahini's and Kane's! Hoaloha's! (Ladies and gentlemen! Beloved Friends!)

Let me just say - aloha livin' is like no other and I may never, ever return to the land of my birth. I feel that I've arrived at the spiritual homeland and I haven't even left Honolulu. Friends and family greet guests at the airport with fresh flower lei and kisses; an expression of the "aloha spirit" infusing daily life with a kind of grace I have never before experienced. During my time in Hawaii, everywhere I went (except for Canoe's) and in all the people I met, this feeling seemed to waft over and through me like a fragrant summer breeze ( http://www.geocities.com/~olelo/alohaspiritlaw.html).

Breakfast
I'm in Honolulu on business and am traveling with colleagues; two beautiful, fun, fabulous girls who much like me - love to eat. Both Julie and Barbara have spent quite a bit of time in Hawaii and between them have friends, family, and clients here. Julie starts us off by taking us to her favorite breakfast spot conveniently located just blocks from the Honolulu Convention Center. Eggs & Things is this totally inconspicuous little place that I never would have looked at twice, save for all the people waiting outside. We ate breakfast here almost every day. "Our pancakes are so light, we have to weigh them down with dairy fresh whipped butter and powdered sugar to keep them from floating." It's true. And the syrups - coconut, lemon, and berry - let's just say my eyes rolled back in my head and I made sounds right there at the table (http://www.eggsnthings.com/Menu/menu.htm).

Dinner with the Locals
That night we dined with a local friend at Indigo (http://www.indigo-hawaii.com) on the edge of modern downtown and historic Chinatown. The street was old Hawaii and the room, decorated with hand carved Indonesian wood panels, paper lanterns, rattan and bamboo, signaled the exotic culinary experience to come. I opened with a lychee martini. After the first sip, our host suggested I try the fruit. I lifted the skewer and proceeded to pop the lychee into my mouth whole. From the corner of my eye I see our host start to shake his head and wave his arms, but somehow it's too late. The crazy-sweet, cold fruit burst into my head with luscious, tropical flavor. With eyes squinched closed and head shaking vigorously side-to-side, I hear the entire table burst into laughter. Oh yeah, very funny. It's all a big joke until somebody puts out an eye.

Truly, the entire dinner was magnificent. Highlights include Goat Cheese Won Tons w/Four Fruit Sauce, melt-in-your-mouth Pork Medallions, and Black Mustard & Pepper Crusted Ahi Steak w/pesto, sundried tomato, and olive tapenade. The Ginger Creme Brulee was extraordinary.

I've included the recipe for the Goat Cheese Won Tons w/Four Fruit Sauce (delictable!).

Goat Cheese Won Tons w/Four Fruit Sauce

Won Tons
8 oz Fresh goat cheese
2 1/2 oz Sun dried tomatoes
2 oz Diced Green bell peppers
2 oz Diced Red bell peppers
Pinch Salt & Peppers
25 Won ton skins
4 cups Vegetable Oil
2 oz Diced Red bell peppers
1/2 grated Carrot
1/4 grated Zucchini

Four Fruit Sauce:
1/2 cup Pickled ginger juice
1/2 cup Red currant vinegar
1/2 cup Black currant vinegar
1/2 cup Blueberry vinegar
1 cup Granulated white sugar

1. Place vinegars and sugar into a sauce pan and bring to a boil. Turn heat down and simmer for 1/2 hour or until sauce has reduced by half. Taste sauce and add more sugar or vinegar if needed.
2. Chop the sun-dried tomatoes into small pieces.
3. Finely dice the peppers.
4. Blend cheese with tomatoes, bell peppers, salt and pepper.
5. Take a won-ton wrapper and place point toward you. Place a teaspoon of the goat cheese mixture onto the center of the wrapper. With your finger, moisten the edges of the skins with egg yolk. Take the point in front of you and fold it over to make a triangle. Squeeze the air out from the center and seal the filling, overlap the points and seal with egg yolk.
6. Fry in vegetable oil at 360 until golden. Drain on towels.7. Garnish with grated carrots and zucchini.

Client Lunch
Next we have a business meeting; an informal affair that lasts for hours and involves delicacies I could never have imagined. Normally one tries to entertain one's clients. In this case, I'm clearly the one being entertained; although its likely that our clients found me to be a wee bit entertaining too.

Before our presentation we're treated to lychee picked fresh that morning. Only slightly wary after my previous day's adventure, I press my thumbnail into the thick, red skin, with curly-cue spines and start to peel. Surprise! It's a transluscent eye-ball!! This time I only take a little bite. Still sweet, but tart with the same unusual, tropical flavor. I love it! I eat two more before we move to the meeting room.

After our presentation, our gracious hosts take us to their favorite sushi restaurant - Sushi King (http://onokinegrindz.typepad.com/ono_kine_grindz/2004/04/sushi_king.html). On our walk over, we pass a florist and one of our hostesses takes me inside to show me the fresh flower lei. She has me smell several of the beautiful and fragrant lei and I'm amazed by the variety and splendor; plumeria, ginger, tuberose, orchid - I never knew!

Sushi King is known for its incredibly fresh and inexpensive Japanese fare. Our hosts are surprised that I'm such a sushi-lover and encourage me to try something I'd never eaten - Ama Ebi (sweet shrimp sushi w/fried head). Yes. I ate deep fried shrimp head. As a shrimperman's granddaughter, it seemed totally wrong. But as a good guest and adventurous eater I didn't think it wise to pass the opportunity by. Admittedly it was good, but it still seems wrong somehow and I'll probably never have it again . As we were waiting for the Ama Ebi to be prepared, one of our hostesses slips out of the restaurant and comes back with fresh lei; mine is plumeria and it smells absolutely divine.

The green tea at Sushi King was also unanticipated; it had a golden color and nutty taste. It was Genmaicha, a favorite green tea drink in Japan. Genmaicha is made with Bancha, a low grade greet tea mixed with toasted and popped rice. Our hostesses referred to it as Popcorn Tea (http://davidhayden.com/blog/dave/archive/2005/04/26/991.aspx). I found the savory flavor to be the perfect compliment to sushi. Try it the second you get a chance.

As our tea conversation progressed, it came out that one of our hostesses regularly drinks the expensive and exotic Pearl Tea (as it's known in China, not to be confused with Japanese bubble tea). Back at the office after lunch we were treated to a taste. At the bottom of my styrofoam cup I see tiny little brown spheres that when emersed in hot water unfurl like butterflies emerging from a cocoon. I'm filled with child-like delight. I leave the office with an entire bag of fresh lychee clutched in my hand, a cup of pearl tea, and the fragrant plumeria lei. I feel like I've been to the Fair. I practically skip to the rental car. Barbara and Julie laugh and tell me "Deborah, you're a case!".

Business Dinners
I'm new to this sector of my industry and don't know a lot of the players yet. To meet new people, I decided to hold 3 dinner party sized dinners (8 to 12) and invite senior executives I'd never met. I also selected restaurants based on internet reviews. Error! Venue changes were required.

Fireworks & Fortunes Dinner Party
The first dinner went pretty well. At the Golden Dragon (http://www.hiltonhawaiianvillage.com/dining/golden-dragon.asp) we ate lobster curry and course after course of cantonese and szechuan delights. We were seated at an outside table overlooking Waikiki Beach and had the best seats in the house for the fireworks show. Unfortunately, my guests had arrived that day and were struggling to stay awake through dinner. Slow service sent my group packing before dessert. Sigh.

Sunset & Sails Dinner Party
I had to change venues for the second dinner because a dry run with Barbara and Julie at Canoe's (http://www.ilikaihotel.com/canoes.html) was a disaster. The parking lot view instead of the promised yacht club was an indicator. PhotoShop, Barbara reminded me, is an amazing thing. Quite obviously. The service was totally un-aloha. Staff were Soup-Nazi rude, completely lacking in knowledge, and slooooow-assed. I thought that perhaps the janitorial staff had taken over the restuarant. When I went to the restroom I checked the closet to see if our real waiter had been tied-up and gagged. No such luck. If I had been with clients, somebody would have been buried in the backyard.

Julie's friend, Mike, who treated us at Indigo recommended Sarento's (http://www.ilikaihotel.com/sorentos.html) as an alternate dinner location. Mike is a friend of the owner and kindly offered to make a reservation on my behalf. We dined in a private room on the 30th floor of the Illikai Hotel with a breathtaking view of Diamond Head. As dusk turned to dark, Diamond Head was replaced by the twinkling lights of Honolulu's skyline. Sweeeet. So was the Opakapaka. And the cashew crusted mussels. Haupia (Hawaiian coconut sorbet) was the perfect close to a lovely party.

Aloha Dinner Party
My final dinner turned out to be for a party of one. All the guests who RSVP'd were no-shows. Adding insult to injury, two ladies identified themselves as my guests (I assumed I'd missed them among the RSVP's), accepted two of my lei, told me they were going to step over to the pool to take a few pictures, and never came back. I stood in the lobby for nearly an hour pouting with my big box of fresh orchid lei.

Finally, I gave away the lei to guests in the open air lobby. The expressions of surprise and delight brightened my mood. I had a long conversation with a couple from Pennsylvania who told me that they would take me to dinner themselves if they hadn't just eaten. They thanked me and pointed out that it really was a gift to have the opportunity to make all those people so happy. I supposed it was true. By the time I left the lobby, I was smiling.

I got back to my room, stood on the balcony, and let the ocean breeze blow through my hair. I pouted for a while longer and then started to think about dinner. I decided that I didn't feel like leaving the hotel property, but would treat myself to the hotel's highest end restaurant - Bali by the Sea (http://www.hiltonhawaiianvillage.com/dining/bali-by-the-sea.asp). Hoaloha's! It was the right thing to do!

The hostess seated me at this charming little table with a panoramic view.

I was still a bit whiney when I selected the wine. I wanted a red, but was alone and had to drink by the glass. I had the choice of a Cab, a Merlot, or Pinot Noir. No selections within each category. With my lower lip protruding and quivering only slightly - I choose the Pinot. My server, Andrea, delivers the glass; I taste it and am unimpressed. I start to complain about the selection and he mentions the half bottles. Half bottles! You have half bottles! It would have been nice to know that! Do you realize 12, count them 12 (well, actually 14, but who's counting) people have stood me up tonight. I'm thinkin' I might drink a whole half bottle of wine you jerk!

Andrea gives me the dinner menu and retrieves the wine list so that I can consider the half bottles. I decide that I'm just irritated and that the Pinot is really quite lovely. I start to get happier. All around me are dinner parties of friends, family, and colleagues. I don't know any of them, but they are all smiling and happy. It's a white table cloth kind of place with beautiful robin's egg blue china and decorative accents. The room feels good. Two tables to my right are served a dessert that looks like a chocolate mountain with dry ice fog pouring out onto table and spilling to the floor. Pretty.

It's time to order, Andrea describes the special and answers a couple of my questions. One of my standards is - "What is your favorite thing on the menu?". Of the fish, he favors the Opakapaka - but I ate that last night. His very favorite by a long shot is the Rack of Lamb. Here's the description - Oven Roasted Colorado Rack of Lamb: Glazed with Passion Fruit Mustard, served with Molokai Purple Potatoes, Local Young Vegetables & Kona Coffee Scented Naural Jus Lie. I'm in - along with the Caesar Salad "Island Style": Fresh Kula Baby Hearts of Romaine served with a Black Pepper Tuile, Shaved Reggiano Parmesan and Bali Caesar Dressing.

At this point, I have arrived. I'm the happiest girl on the island. I'm sitting in this perfect little Miss Muffett spot, drinking my very fine Pinot Noir (which I neglected to get the name of), eating the breads with delicious butter. Long bread straws (fun!), baguette (French!), and Irish soda bread (I like this the best). The table to my left sings "Happy Birthday" to the guest of honor. The hostess stops by to see how I'm doing. She mentions that she loves the Irish soda bread too.

Refill on the wine, a crisp delicious Caesar salad, and then comes the spectacular Rack-of-Lamb. I take a bite - it's one of those transcendant experiences that defy description within a Cartesian reductionist framework. I renounce Descartes and his linear logic! That bastard of wine connesuierdom- Robert Parker - I renounce you too!! No lamb for you!! I spit at your notions of simple additions as a supposed index of spiritual experience. Pretention takes the mathematical ooenophile to the level of coarse peasant, incapable of putting the calculator down long enough to close his eyes and take a ride on the magic carpet.

The restraunt manager shimmers up to my table invisibly like Jeeves, "Is your lamb cooked to satisfaction, Ma'am?". "That - would - be - a- definitive -yes". I finish the meal, my legs are crossed swinging under the table, a smile on my face, hands behind my head, fingers laced together. One of my servers strolls by with the hostess. He points from across the room - "That girl is having a good time!". I laugh out loud. Indeed I am.

I order an Irish coffee and as I take my first sip it's as Gomer Pyle would say - Surpriiiise! Surpriiiise! Surpriiiise! It's a chocolate replica of Diamond Head erupting with chocolate truffles, chocolate dipped pineapple, kiwi, and strawberry. The cool dry ice fog rolls into my lap and I know that I am a favored daughter of the universe. The entire experience is positively exquisite.
As I leave with a box filled with the chocolate volcano, more truffles, chocolate dipped fruit, and fresh orchid I feel like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz leaving Emerald City. My servers are waiving their good bye's - "Deboraaaah! Aloha, Deboraaaah! Alohaaaa!"

It has all been so very lovely. But the time has come to click the heels of my ruby slippers and come home. Mahalo Hawaii! Maaahaaaaloooo!

Fish cake! Fish cake!
Rice and Spam.
Make me a plate lunch
As fast as you can!

Tu Tu Ne Ne
The Hawaiian Mother Goose

Hang-Over Breakfast

2006-07-04T08:56:00.000-05:00

One eye (ok two) flutter open for a brief instant. Despite the fan overhead, a flicker of heat passes over my body. Now a slow, languid wave of nausea laps me up like a hot sticky afternoon spent too long at the beach. You can practically smell it. I close my eyes wishing - wishety-wish-wishing that it would go away. It doesn't. I lean over by the side of my bed to pick up one of those big bottles of Perrier that litter the places I loiter. There are three beside my bed. Two empty- but Bingo! - one's full. Thank god. I drink deeply. Lukewarm fizzy water; magic medicine for hung-over girls everywhere. Think of it as the amuse bouche of hang-over breakfast.

It's way, way, way too early - 5:30 a.m. What is this? I try to go back to sleep. But that's not the way punishment works now is it? No, you have to be awake. You have to have the full experience. Cue headache. I want to throw up, but no. No relief for you. I sleep a little. It's 6:30. Get up. Again with the can't throw up. Cold water now and 3 ibuprofen. Turn on NPR. Back to bed. Doze. 7:15. More water. Finally its past 8:00.

I realize this isn't getting better anytime soon so I gather up a book, 2 Vanity Fairs, and 2 New Yorkers. I figure I'm going to be here a while. I pick up the book. Garlic and Sapphires: The Secret Life of a Critic in Disguise by Ruth Reichl. I start to read and am immediately charmed. Ruth's book (we're close personal friends now) recounts her years as the New York Times food critic; the food she ate, the disguises she wore, and the articles she published. A perfect oasis for the day that is unfolding before me, but certainly no stand-alone hang-over cure.

The time has come for the food part of hang-over breakfast. Tea & buttered toast. I feel bad, but not completely ruined - so I dismiss the thought that I can lay in bed and eat my buttered toast and drink tea. It will only mean crumbs and having to change the sheets later. I cannot begin to contemplate that much activity.

I pad into the kitchen and reach up for my box of chai green tea. Out. I forgot. Ok - it has to be tea I bought at the Fairmont Empress last year (a truly horrific vacation, but I won't subject you to that). What kind of tea is this anyway? It says right here "top seasonal quality tea from Kenya, South India, Assam, Sri Lanka and China". Well now - I'm thinkin' that will be just fine. Thankfully, I remember that this tea gets too strong very fast.

A quick aside. I love food and drink, but am no expert filled with knowledge. I'm always learning new things which is usually a pure delight. However, I've recently learned that you shouldn't pour boiling water over green tea. I drink a pot of green tea every day. But I work at home so I flash out of bed at the last possible minute and won't hurry about getting ready. I shower, brush my teeth, floss, lotion, do my hair, make-up, iron my clothes, get dressed - this is to walk across the hall where my cats are the only people who will see me all day. Whatever. By the time all this is accomplished it's invariably 5 minutes before the opening conference call. I'm boiling water for my tea, scarfing down a bowl of Smart Start with fat free milk and am in a rushety-rush-rush. When I learned that the hot water for green tea should be approximately 160 degrees - it flipped me out. Now I feel like I'm pouring boiling water over live yeast every morning. It's become extremely stressful!

So the point to that little aside is, it turns out that being out of green tea on Hang-Over Day is a relief because when I pour the boiling water over "Tea at The Empress" its OK. I push the toaster lever down and pick up Ruth Reichl's delightful book once again. But at the end of her chapters - she has recipes. I can't read about whisking raw eggs just now. The first one is for New York Cheesecake - I've included the whole recipe here for you:

1 1/2 cups grham cracker crumbs (about 6 ounces)
1 cup sugar 1/2 cup melted unsalted butter
1 1/2 pounds cream cheese, preferably without gum, at room temperature
4 eggs
3 teaspoons vanilla
Grated zest of one lemon 2 cups sour cream

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Mix the grham crackers with 1/4 cup sugar and the melted butter and press into bottom and sides of a 9-inch ungreaased spring form pan. chill while preparing filling.
Beat the cream cheese, 1/2 cup sugar, eggs, 2 teaspoons of the vanilla, qand lemon zest until smooth. Pour into chilled crust and bake 50 minutes to an hour, or until the cheese is set and starting to turn golden in spots. Remove from the oven (leave oven on) and cool for about 15 minutes on a wire rack.
Stir together the sour cream, remaining 1/4 cup of sugar, remaining teaspoon of vanilla and spread over cooled cake. Return to oven for 12 minutes until glossy and set.
Cool completely, cover, and chill at least 8 hours.

I get to about the pound and a half of cream cheese and can't go on. The toast pops up, I immediately take the tea bag out of the pot, and then I remember that there is a giant strawberry dipped in white chocolate left over from a dinner party in the refrigerator (Thank you Kelly!) Buttered toast, hot tea, white chocolate-covered strawberry and cold Perrier. It was as yummy as any hang-over breakfast could be. I settled onto my fluffy couch where I stayed the entire day reading Garlic and Sapphires (but not the recipes, definitely TMI for HOD). It was the absolute perfect way to spend the day.

If you should find yourself in a similar situation here's my entire Hang-Over Day Menu.

Breakfast
Amuse Bouche - Lukewarm Perrier, located within arms reach. Be sure to drink the entire bottle before you get out of bed.

1st Course - Cold Perrier and 3 ibuprofen. This is the cornerstone of every hang-over breakfast. Drink at least half the bottle before food.

2nd Course - Tea at The Empress, Buttered toast and 1 giant white chocolate-covered strawberry (the cold white chocolate crumbled off and I could eat little bits on the buttered toast)

Lunch
More tea and buttered toast

Dinner
Bowl of linguini and angel hair pasta (not enough angel hair*) with butter, shaved parmesean, and freshly cracked pepper. Cold Perrier.

Late Night Snack
Blue Bell Vanilla Ice Cream, tiny little M & M's intended for baking. Cold Perrier.

*Don't forget that 2 forms of pasta require different cooking times. I should have chosen spaghetti instead of linguini. Linguini takes too long and I kept having to get up to check it. Nausea requires limited movement.